Anson Reign - Male Illusionist
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Get Out of the Kitchen!

10/2/2010

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My family used to have this incredibly ugly decorative painting thing hanging in our kitchen. This was back in NYC, when our kitchen was decorated with blue ribbons, ducks and other fowl... The painting said, "If you can't take the heat, GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!" It had a chicken in an apron wielding a rolling pin chasing a beleaguered looking masculine chicken out of the room. I didn't think it was funny.

And now, 20 years later, I still don't think it's as witty as it believes itself to be, but I do understand the metaphor. I simply think there are more appropriate ways of stating it, like "If you can't take the heat, get off of the stage!"

or, "If you can't take the heat, get out of the business!"

or even, "If you can't take the heat, shut the fu*k up about it."  And then instead of domestically frustrated chickens I would paint a rather large and frightening drag queen wielding a giant curling iron.

Temper tantrums belong in kindergarten. Diva fits belong back stage at Mariah Carey concerts. And shit belongs in the toilet, not coming out of your mouth. If we can't all play nicely in the sandbox, it must be because someone has poopy pants and grumpy faces. That one person shouldn't spoil it for the rest of us mud-pie making, sand castle building, happy-as-clams  architects of the future.

In the business of drag (and it *is* indeed a business) it is inevitable that someone will perform the same song as you. There are only so many good songs out there that are A) fun to perform and B) fun for the audience to watch. Now this is the part that gets tricky to remember: none of us - kings, queens, undecided - none of us "own" a song. In no way does performing a song make it "your" song. You can try to argue with me but I'm willing to bet that whomever holds the copyright to said song would back me up on this, and I'd make a second bet that it isn't you who holds the copyright.

I do not think it is possible to "steal" someone's song. I do, however, think it is possible to rip off someone's ideas or interpretations of a song, or to borrow (without asking) someone's choreography or costume. These are the kind of things that fall into the "Bad, drag king! Bad!" category and I will have more to say on the subject in the future.

But if you walk into a bar and see another entertainer performing what you consider "your" song and feel the need to get offended or throw a hissy fit...you obviously cannot take the heat.

So please, get out of the kitchen.

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    Anson Reign - male illusionist, comedian, opinionated New Yorker.

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